you turned your livingroom into a bong?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize