I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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