Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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