she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
PANTIES FOUND
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