Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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