I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
We smell like vodka and hangover
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