It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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