I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Sorry my hands just texted you
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
