she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
