I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
