I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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