your thong is hanging out like whoa
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
