his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize