Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
