She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
