haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
