Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize