Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
so much tequila, so little girl.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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