he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
