we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
