i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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