If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize