my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
