She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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