There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
