nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
you never un-have a 4some
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
