i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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