I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
