sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
