Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
We need to rekindle our bromance
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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