We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
