i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
