Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
We talked him into tasing himself.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
