Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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