Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
