Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
