we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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