I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
