Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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