I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
