____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
