The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
