I want to stick my p in your. b.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
