Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
