That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
My breasts were aching with rage.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize