so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
