Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I FOUND THE LEGS
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
