He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize