Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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