People in love make me want to vomit
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
