Don't make out with my wife yet
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
