I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
