All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Never underestimate the power of titties
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
