Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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