isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
