Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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