Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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