I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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