Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
