Nicole vs. Life
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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