God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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