i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
