Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
