Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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