I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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