i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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