were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
