he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
My life is pants optional.
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