shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
