wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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