To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
