You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
