that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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