I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
