you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
