I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
