I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
