You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
