There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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