I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
