She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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