The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
