Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
