I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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