there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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