I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I'm eating all of the evidence.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
