Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
