i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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