Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
